


two months

by Nudelherz



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Adoption, Canon Compliant, Discussion of Adoption, Family, Gen, Humor, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post Balance, i mean more or less
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 05:06:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16717088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nudelherz/pseuds/Nudelherz
Summary: "I mean, aren't we kinda like his family now?"Suddenly, the attention is on Magnus. Another moment of silence, then Lucretia lets out a quiet laugh. "I guess so," she says."Oh heavens no, I am not old enough to be a father yet," Taako states with badly faked disgust.What starts with a discussion of the parental potential of Lucretia and the Tres Horny Boys somehow ends up as a two month long competition to win Angus' approval. It goes as well as anyone would expect. Not that anyone expected it to go *well* in the first place.





	two months

Our story starts at a wedding. Because what better place is there to start family drama than a wedding? Well, a funeral, probably. But no, this story does not start at a funeral, this story starts at the big, beautiful, wedding of Carey and Killian. And it starts with one simple question. A question about the world's greatest detective, Angus McDonald.

It is Kravitz who asks it, simply following the flow of his conversation with Lucretia. They've been talking about the rebranded Bureau of Benevolence for a little while now, and the question itself is logical and simple enough, he has no idea what he is about to start. (This will change within the next approximately four and a half minutes.)

"So, does the boy- does Angus still live at the bureau?"

"Oh no, he has a dorm room in Lucas' School of the Arcane Sciences."

Kravitz nods, then knits his brows. "Does he stay there all year? What about the vacations?"

In Lucretia's face he can see that this is a question that hadn't occurred to her. The smile that had been on her lips the entire day fades ever so slightly.

"I... don't know."

"Oh, 'cretia darling, pick that smile back up, I'm sure he spends those with his silverware grandpa dude," Taako butts in, reaching between the two to grab another breadstick out of the basket in the middle of the table.

Kravitz turns to his boyfriend. "That man died over two years ago, Taako." 

The wizard stops for a split second only, then shrugs. "So? How old is Angus now, like, 20? He's not a little kid anymore. He's fine on his own."

"He's twelve. That's no age to be on his own." Kravitz' eyes are warm as he says that, and Taako knows that he isn't only referring to the boy detective right now. Sometimes he regrets having shared his oh so tragic backstory, but on the other hand, Kravitz did fulfil the unlock conditions, and it's not like Taako can use some stupid magic cup to rewind time and keep himself from spilling those beans anymore.

No matter those thoughts, his voice is unbothered as he replies, "Well, I'm sure that wasn't his only relative."

"Actually," Lucretia says, "that very much seemed to be the case. Back when he- when we made him part of the BoB, we checked, to see if there were people who might miss him, who's memories we might have to- to obscure, let's call it that." She looks over to the young boy, who is deep in a conversation with some other guests, his bright smile being a stark contrast to her own sombre expression by now. "He doesn't have anyone."

Their table goes quiet for a long moment, the other people on it having noticed the shift in atmosphere too. After a few seconds, Magnus clears his throat.

"Well, not anymore."

"What do you mean?" Merle gruffs, but he still has his eyes on the boy.

"I mean, he has us. Aren't we kinda like his family now?"

Suddenly, the attention is on Magnus. Another moment of silence, then Lucretia lets out a quiet laugh.

"I guess so," she says.

"Oh heavens no, I am not old enough to be a father yet," Taako states with badly faked disgust.

"Yeah, I've had enough of that whole mushy family business for my lifetime," Merle agrees, "two kids are enough."

"C'mon guys, don't be like that! I can be his dad, you're the weird uncles!" Magnus is practically beaming. Both of his companions pull grimaces.

Lucretia slightly raises her hand to get their attention back.

"If anything, I think we would all agree that I am most like a mother figure to him. I mean, he did technically live with me for over a year."

"So did we," Magnus points out.

"Yes, but you are grown adults who don't need a caretaker - or shouldn't need one, at least." She sighs. "I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that has the necessary qualifications to raise a child, seeing as I am the only functioning, reasonable adult on this table."

"More like the most boring one. Kid's enough of a nerd as it is, he doesn't need you to make it worse! Besides, Kravitz is also very reasonable, and very functioning too. Combine that with my _everything_ and we'd be great parents. He's the lame dad, I'm the cool dad!"

Kravitz only almost chokes on his drink at the sudden image of Taako and him as dads.

"Didn't you _just_ say you're not old enough to be a father yet?" he asks, putting down the glass and deciding that maybe he should not put any more choking hazards into his mouth until this discussion is over. While he may not be able to actually die from it, choking is still a rather disruptive thing to do at a wedding.

The elf waves him off. "No offence, honey, but you're like, so old it's enough for both of us."

Before Kravitz can answer, Magnus tries again to make his case. "Okay, but who needs two dads when they could have one dad and like, four dogs? What could a child want more?"  

"Siblings," Merle deadpans. "Mavis and Mookie get along great with that little dipshit."

Lucretia's eyebrows raise. "Aren't "two kids more than enough?""

"Yes. I don't want him. What makes you think I would." He doesn't even ask it as a question.

"You just implied-" She is interrupted by Taako.

"He should live with me and Krav. First, cats are definitely better than dogs." (Magnus gasps at this.) "Second, I'm his favorite - and we spend the most time together. "

Lucretia's objection that she spend much more time with Angus gets drowned out by Kravitz, of all people.

"Why don't you all just... ask him? I mean, he is right there?"

The other four people on the table look at him as if he's nuts. Which, to be fair, is on him. He should've guessed that suggesting the logical thing to do would not work with them, really. (Though he expected better of Lucretia, at least.)

"You're making this out to be too easy. We can't just walk up to him and just- _ask him_."

"And why not?" Kravitz looks around in the group and, while he has grown to love or at least respect every single one of them, sometimes... sometimes he doubts these three men who saved reality as a whole have even one braincell combined.

Finally, the director's face actually lights up. "Actually, that is a great idea. We _should_ just ask him." Kravitz quietly thanks all the Gods he knows. She continues, "but, we should go about this with more care. I think neither of us really had time to show their parenting skills lately, with all this- well, with all this _adventure_ happening over the last years. So, how about this: we all have two months to prove that we can take care of him, and then we all meet up again and he can decide." He takes back the thanks.

"With all due respect, that doesn't soun-"

"That sounds great actually!" Magnus broad smile is back. "After all, he should be able to have a voice in this decision." He puts his hand in the middle of the table. "Deal?"

"Deal. Two months. Then he decides."

Although he has to stand on his chair to reach, Merle places his hand on Magnus'. Lucretia joins with a nod.

"As if it isn't clear who he'll choose." Taako huffs, but still...

And so Kravitz has to watch helplessly as his boyfriend signs them up for the competition over the apparent custody of a child he has met maybe four times by now.

 

Two tables over, Lup, who totally has not at all listened in on all of this, and who totally is not at all excited to see this disaster play out, turns to her fiancé.

"Say, darling, have you ever considered adoption?"

And Barry proves that Kravitz is right: choking is a pretty disruptive thing to do at a wedding.


End file.
